Yes, this is how economists talk about parenting; no one has ever accused us of being warm and fuzzy. The outline was due today. Recently, I was asked to write a chapter about family in the lives of people who are single and have no children. There’s a popular belief that in China, where there’s a one-child policy (OCP) in place, a population of “little emperors” is the result — essentially, children who fit the only child syndrome stereotype. Here is a brief rundown on mindful parenting and why it may be worth taking an extra moment…, Motherhood isn’t easy, but single motherhood is a whole other ball game. But you might be surprised to learn what researchers and psychologists have to say about only child syndrome. What do experts say about only child syndrome? According to the internet, there is a National Only Child Day on April 12th, likely created in reaction to National Siblings Day. test scores, school performance and educational level. Last medically reviewed on October 23, 2019, The Big Five personality traits are one way of looking at someone’s personality. It can be kinda nice. Falbo’s research in the 1990s looked at 1,000 school-aged children in China and found “very few only-child effects.”. My husband is the baby of six with just one niece and nephew that he is not close to. The Norwegian data reveals the number of children in a family plays relatively little role in determining educational attainment or I.Q., at least among boys (although having twins does seem to have a negative impact on I.Q.). The research study for my book, The Case for the Only Child, revealed a pattern of only children having only children. The pain feels unbearable. We need to focus on random or sudden changes to family size. I don't know much about his family and there are no photos. No reason at all to have kids. “They are often better prepared to happily operate when physical distancing is imposed. Memories that can no longer be shared with anyone. But this reputation gives some people anxiety — and others, stereotyping permission — when it comes to having only one child. tests, get more schooling and have higher earnings later in life. They also had less need for attachments, perhaps because they weren’t deprived of affection. Researchers in China have actually discovered differences in the brains of only children and those with siblings, the former being less agreeable than those who grew up with other kids in the family. Children who have half-siblings, step-siblings, or have never met their siblings, either living at the same house or a different house - especially those who were born considerably later - may have a similar family environment to only children, as may children who have much younger siblings from both of the same parents. With digital classes, activities, and day camps that are all available remotely using Wi-Fi and a smart device, there are plenty of ways to keep your…. The million-dollar question: Is Falbo herself an only child? The second camp, dating back 100 years or so, says that being an only child stunts social development. "Studies show that only children are no different from other kids. 13 Signs Your Baby’s Growing Up, 11 Online Kids’ Camps That Will Save You This Summer. Respected psychologist Toni Falbo has done a great deal of only child research in the past 40 years and is considered an expert in the subject. Even focused on those things, it’s not enough to just compare families with more or less kids — families differ in a lot of ways. What is the origin of ‘only child syndrome’? She’s still quoted and interviewed extensively about it. As a parent, it’s nice to know that, no matter what choice you make, you’re doing it wrong. In the home school I’m running here in quarantine, recess starts at 9:30 a.m. sharp. Some focus on the fact that a larger family means fewer resources for investment in each child, meaning time or money spent on education or other kinds of training (not to mention diapers, cribs and clothing). Hall described only children as spoiled, selfish/self-absorbed, maladjusted, bossy, antisocial, and lonely. Probably more from the fear of getting old and lonely. And the truth is, some children are naturally shy, timid, introverted, and prefer keeping to themselves. #1 Sharing isn’t their thing. Wikimedia Commons Basically, the conclusion was that children without siblings possessed a long list of negative behavioral traits. The only perfect family is the one that loves its children – however many there are – deeply, affectionately and unconditionally. Also, lack of interaction with a sibling is believed to cause loneliness and antisocial tendencies. #1 Sharing isn’t their thing. The evidence disagrees. “One of the gifts of growing up as an only child is learning how to keep oneself good company when alone,” says psychologist Carl Pickhardt, PhD, author of The Future of Your Only Child. Researchers have conducted numerous studies in the last 100 years on only children to determine whether the stereotype is true. Studies have repeatedly shown that only children are no different from their peers — not particularly lonely, maladjusted, selfish, etc. I have no living grandparents, uncles or aunts (both parents were one of two siblings, both of whom are long since dead). But time has the power to heal all. I am divorced, and have children of my own, but I don't know if that makes this pain any easier. For most only children, perfectionism seems to go with the territory. I'm 33 years old, married with no children. More recent research has shown that being an only child doesn’t necessarily make you different from a peer with siblings. "One of the negatives is not learning how to share if parents don't ensure that this … Other studies have looked at children in China, where the one-child policy effectively created a generation of children with no siblings. My various cousins are not near me in age, outlook, lifestyle, etc. If you’re a worried parent of “just” one kid right now, you’ll find no shortage of articles asking if the “onelings” are all right. Having only one child is much easier on parents. One parent dead, the other old and in poor health. They also score higher on personality measures of academic motivation than later born children. We’ll go over what these traits are, how they’re measured, and what…, Having kids with an age gap has its pros and cons, but just like parenthood, it’s a journey full of learning. Others say singletons are better off. Here's how you…. Yet, these negative behaviors can also occur among children in large families. According to this idea, an only child is antisocial, awkward, even weird. Many parents (mainly mothers) feel strongly about their ‘small’ family … Pulling all of this data together, it would seem that siblings do not have a large impact on most characteristics we can measure. For example, in Quebec, community samples reported that only children “between the ages of 6 and 11 had a greater risk for mental disorders.” But a few years later, another set of researchers said nope — there’s no difference between children without siblings and children with one sibling when it comes to mental health, at least in children under age 5. Related: 5 tips for raising siblings of very different ages. In a nutshell: I am an only child, not married. One thing this literature shows us is that birth order matters. It seems that whenever an only child shows any type of negative behavior, others are quick to attribute this to only child syndrome. Siblings bring more household duties, rampant bullying, and parental … They would be this way regardless of whether they had siblings or not — and that’s OK. And as a result, only children were more isolated, perhaps with only adults to talk to. Due to various circumstances, they are forced to settle for just one child. In middle school, I had “Bubba,” who even my closest friends embraced. My two kids go outside while I watch them through a window on conference calls. But since the 1970s, it seems that perhaps the majority of only child studies have debunked the existence of a “syndrome.”. Parents argue about these ideas across the internet, saying that having or lacking siblings is key to making your child the best they can be. Nothing fuels anxiety over only children quite like a pandemic. She concluded that only children achieved more than later-borns in larger families. His parents have past away with one brother. Having only one child can mean there’s more energy, more money and more flexibility within the family to go around. There are no pictures of his family. The only child also knows that, once her or his parents are dead, a big part of life dies with them. 30 Life Skills Worth Teaching, 30+ At-Home Date Night Ideas to Keep Your Relationship Fresh, When Are the Toddler Years? Attention can be more directly focused, saving for college is easier, and it's much easier to afford a smaller home. Sharar Khan on April 19, 2017: (CNN)No siblings.No pals on the block. Overall, when it comes to what economists call success, having siblings simply does not seem to matter. (And let’s be honest — we all know someone who is selfish and has siblings.) One woman explained that she and her husband were both only children. My mama raised me as a single parent, it was always just the two of us. Only-children are exposed to more adult conversation and may receive more parental attention. Does this so-called “only child syndrome” make you more anxious to give your own child a sibling, pronto? PARK JISUNG . According to my Internet research (which you always have to take with a grain of salt), the average American family has gone from an average of 2.5 children in 1970 to 1.8 children today. Leonardo Da Vinci was an only child. In fact, so thoroughly discredited is the original work on the subject that there isn’t much recent — from the last 10 to 20 years — research on the subject. Researchers in China have actually discovered differences in the brains of only children and those with siblings, the former being less agreeable than those who grew up with other kids in the family. The bestseller NurtureShock taught us that siblings’ interactions are so frequently hostile, they are no more skilled at socialization than only children. One way to do this is with twin births: These are often a surprise, and families end up bigger. A little…, In the blink of an eye (it seems) your tiny newborn turns into Miss (or Mr.) Independent. Some parents think siblings make kids happier. RELATED: 12 Tips for Raising an Only Child Single-child families have become increasingly common. The evaluation of these studies also showed that only children had better parent-child relationships. Exceptions to this have been closely examined. And they are just as likely to become teen parents, which experts tend to classify as an undesirable outcome. Here's why this is a good thing. Hall described only children as spoiled, selfish/self-absorbed, maladjusted, bossy, antisocial, and lonely. The truth is, only children sometimes get a bad rap — and this isn’t necessarily warranted, as we’ll soon see. The pain feels unbearable. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: "Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth." Are you an only child — or do you know an only child — who has been called spoiled? As we see it, more children means less time and money to focus on each one. There’s no doubt about it - parents of only children often get a bad rap. In most states, placing a child for adoption severs the legal tie between the child and the birth parents. Proponents of large or larger families claim your only child will be spoiled, lonely, or selfish or worse. Never wanted any until the change of life. True story: I actually created an entire family – I had two sisters and one big brother (I imagined their names, personalities, and our family dynamics). © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. So if you’re wondering whether your child needs a sibling to be a well-rounded person, here’s what to keep in mind. Only child syndrome signs. These studies examined their achievements, character, intelligence, adjustment, sociability, and parent-child relationship. You won’t see an only child … Mar 18, 2019. The second camp, dating back 100 years or so, says that being an only child stunts social development. However, for some parents, having an only child is not a choice they make. One study found only children tend to spend more time on their homework and get better grades than kids who have two or more siblings. When they die, we will be on our own. I just joined, and I'm excited to see another only child with no kids here. Many only children are kind, compassionate, and selfless people — who also have strong bonds with their parents. While many of the traits associated with only children are unfounded, their rumored unwillingness to share may have some truth to it. Quarantine or not, having siblings shapes one’s experiences and development. We are both only children and have no family where we live except for my aging parents. Gw8775 on June 22, 2017: This story is very interesting. While there is no published research on the prevalence of only-child caregivers, psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide (Health Communications, 2011), has interviewed many and noted the advantages and disadvantages. Although my father is still alive, he has always just lived on the outskirts of my life. No one can replace parents but having a close friends and family would help you deal with your loss I am not the only parent who has a new appreciation for the value of siblings, but I’m also not the only one who has noticed new downsides. Both pushed the idea that children would be better off with siblings. You have to wonder why, when the U.S. Census reports that the single child family is the fastest growing family unit, people tell you to have another child (or you think you should). One thing to keep in mind is that Hall’s research took place during a time when many people lived in rural areas. Hall is widely quoted as going so far as to say that being an only child was a “disease in itself.” And Bohannon used survey results (not a very precise science, as we know now) to conclude that only children have a “marked tendency to peculiarities” that are of the “disadvantageous” variety. Adding salt to injury is the constant pressure and questions they face from their family and peers. If parents have two boys or two girls first, they are more likely to try for a third than if they have one of each. But the gender of the first two children is largely random, meaning some families end up with more kids on average than other similar families. We rounded up the best blogs to help single mamas get the support and…, If COVID-19 has taught us anything, it’s that one of the most important life skills you can have is the ability to adapt and be flexible when needed…, If you've grown tired of the usual routine but aren't ready (or able) to hit the town, try one (or a few) of these at-home date night ideas. The data has largely rejected that idea for decades. Jaehyun is an only child, therefore his parents give him all their love and are very supportive of his activities. I’m terrified of being incapacitated and unable to turn to loved ones for love, company and support. The belief is that they’ll grow into selfish individuals who only think about themselves and their own needs. Family get-togethers are the worst situations for such parents. But while this theory has made its way into popular culture (alongside birth order theories), it’s also largely unfounded. For example, more time reading or talking to your child encourages language development. Time with themselves, by themselves is not boring or lonely. A 2010 British study surveyed 40,000 households and found that those with only children were the happiest, with satisfaction actually decreasing as more siblings were added to a family. Specifically, they're not more spoiled, lonely, selfish, or overly dependent." Thank you for posting! In other words, although you might expect a built-in playmate makes a kid more social, the data doesn’t bear that out. It’s not clear why this is, although one reason may be the amount of time parents can dedicate to a child early in life. Youngest child syndrome is characterized by stereotypes about the baby of the family. In the end, neither the deprived younger sibling idea nor the awkward only child one hold much water. Have you heard it said that only children can have trouble sharing, socializing with other children, and accepting compromise? Whether you are considering only having one child, or currently date an only child, there are some things you should know. If you don’t give your child a sibling, they’re destined to be socially isolated. In one of her reviews of the literature, she found that the extra attention a child receives can be a positive. However, many only children prefer the company of adults from a young age because they astutely realize that other kids are fuckin’ crrrrrazy. And the lack of a sibling doesn’t doom you to become self-absorbed or antisocial. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. My mama raised me as a single parent, it was always just the two of us. They feel constant guilt and tend to blame themselves. Only children are no longer an anomaly; they’re alllll around us. Every day, I spend about half the time thinking it’s so great they have each other (during the game “try to distract mom”) and half the time forcibly separating them (during the game “fight with sticks”). Emily Oster looks at what the data says. If you’re concerned about the possibility of your child developing some negative traits, know that you can steer them in the right direction. This isolation likely contributed to character traits like antisocial behavior, poor social skills, and selfishness. Only-children are exposed to more adult conversation and may receive more parental attention. Children adopted by an unrelated adult or family. Many psychologists agree that only child syndrome is probably a myth. In another of her reviews, Falbo analyzed 115 studies on only children. I'm 32 years old and I'm an only child. I am equally worried for my husband, that should I … If you’re an only child or if you decide to only have one child, you don’t have to worry about only child syndrome. So if you little one seems shy, there’s no need to assume a lack of siblings is the problem — or even that there’s a problem at all. Loneliness strikes. Comparing only children to those in China with siblings (since some families do have two children), it’s hard to see any systematic personality differences between siblings and only children in things like extroversion. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. First born children — regardless of whether they have sibling or not — perform slightly better on I.Q. Some studies and research agree with Hall and Bohannon to a certain degree. To start with, they didn’t want to have an only child family. Going into the new millennium, around 17 percent of women aged 40 to 44 years in the United States had only ever had one child. Children without siblings are also no more likely to be employed or have higher wages. Based on her examination of these studies, when compared to families with multiple children, only children surpassed several groups in the areas of character, achievement, and intelligence. And while it’s true that only children may receive more attention from their parents, this doesn’t always lead to self-centeredness or selfishness. Sadly, not as much as we would like, since we are limited in what we can measure. No reason to leave her home. Depending on cultural ties, the sense of duty to a parent can grow or diminish, but one thing is certain: the only child always suffers more as they see their parents struggle without a sibling around. Keep your friends close and keep in touch with your extended family- uncles, aunts, cousins. (CNN)No siblings.No pals on the block. 15 Truths From Parents Of Only Children. I'm single and I've never had children, so as I was an only child I've got no family now. Emily Oster is an economics professor at Brown University and the author of “Expecting Better” and “Cribsheet.”. Having siblings, on the other hand, may necessitate learning how to share, and can offer a … The coronavirus pandemic has created a lot of confusion, but it also may bring into focus a question many parents (or expectant parents) ask: What is the right number of kids for my family? So while psychologists don’t deny that only children may be at risk for some social deficits, these traits don’t occur across the board. Your decision about how many children to have should be just that: your decision about what works best for your family. But what about the awkward only child? The bestseller NurtureShock taught us that siblings’ interactions are so frequently hostile, they are no more skilled at socialization than only children. These 11 things will bring you up to speed about only children. You won’t see an only child … Yet the consensus is that their findings were unscientific and flawed — essentially making only child syndrome a myth. In fact, you might have used this term to describe someone at some point in your life. The only child also knows that, once her or his parents are dead, a big part of life dies with them. It didn’t come into existence until the late 1800s. Some even think these effects carry into adulthood, with only children having difficulty getting along with co-workers, displaying hypersensitivity to criticism as they become older, and having poor social skills. A more recent study of hers suggested that only children born before the OCP held less positive self-views than children with siblings held — putting a hole in the theory that only children think more highly of themselves. Most people are familiar with the stereotypes of only children. On the flip side, having two children ensures at least some non-adult socialization. We cannot measure the joy I get from my brothers remembering the funny rhyme I wrote in 1991 about the time my dad got a terrible butt burn after sliding down a hot slide in his bathing suit. The family lived in a rich area of Gangnam, which tells us that Jaehyun had a well - off childhood. Although my father is still alive, he has always just lived on the outskirts of my life. This is a disturbing thought for most of us irrespective of being an only child. If anything, only children may have stronger bonds with their parents. Whether you are considering only having one child, or currently date an only child, there are some things you should know. Hall oversaw the study, and both men had ideas based on it published in the early 1900s. But here’s some much-needed reassurance: Kids without siblings are no more vulnerable to the repercussions of this crisis than their peers with brothers and sisters. Here’s how to be a flexible, loving…. This is when child psychologists G. Stanley Hall and E. W. Bohannon used a questionnaire to study and categorize children with a number of different traits. Having only one child allows the parent to be more attuned to the emotional needs of the single child. Looking for less stress and a more peaceful way to parent? Encourage interaction with other children at an early age, set limits, and don’t overindulge them. Some parents make the choice of having an only child consciously and happily. It just so happens that being a trio is the right size for us. We can measure things like I.Q. But the “only child syndrome” theory hasn’t always been around. Psychologists also agree that many different factors help shape a child’s character. Being the only child is a blessing because everyone I know have a lot of siblings and they always ask me you have sisters and brothers I'm like no an only child they will be like your lucky or I wish I was you. "I was the happiest only child in captivity." 5 tips for raising siblings of very different ages. According to this idea, an only child is antisocial, awkward, even weird. I’d be able to focus more on home school learning goals if I was only teaching one child. An only child is a person with no siblings, biological nor adopted. 20. Only children in today’s urban and suburban culture have plenty of opportunity to socialize with other children, practically from birth: at day care, at park and playgrounds, in school, during extracurricular activities and sports — hey, even online. 9 parenting tips for raising an only child. But these are just theories; what does the data tell us? Jisung has an older brother. Related: 9 parenting tips for raising an only child. These 11 things will bring you up to speed about only children. The memories, once shared with their loving parents, belong to one person now. Indeed she is. In the onlooker play stage, your child watches and even comments on other kids playing, but won’t join in. The child can no longer inherit from the birth parents under intestate succession laws, and the parents can no … On balance, is this for good or for ill? There’s no doubt about it - parents of only children often get a bad rap. A 2010 British study surveyed 40,000 households and found that those with only children were the happiest, with satisfaction actually decreasing as more siblings were added to a family. Perhaps you’ve even heard that these children grow up lonely. Interestingly, results have been mixed. What does research say about only child syndrome? Here’s the truth. Some of the most reliable such information comes out of Norway, where excellent government data collection and reporting lets us see lots of things about family formation and about child outcomes. No reason to leave her home. All rights reserved. SOURCES: Newman, Susan, The Case for the Only Child, Health Communications, Inc., 2011. It could just be a natural part of their sweet little personality. Historically, experts have fallen into two camps about the value of siblings. What the Big Five Personality Traits Can Tell You, 5 Tips for Raising Siblings of Very Different Ages, The Characteristics of Youngest Child Syndrome, Can Your Kid Do This? Nonagenarian comedian Betty White loved being an only child: "I did a magnificent job of choosing a mother and father," she has said. Another tool is parental desire for gender mix. One 1987 review article, which summaries 140 studies, found some evidence of more “academic motivation” among only children, but no differences on personality traits like extroversion. I am divorced, and have children of my own, but I don't know if that makes this pain any easier. Only child syndrome signs. Planning your estate when you've got no children or heirs Published Wed, May 31 2017 7:50 AM EDT Updated Wed, May 31 2017 7:50 AM EDT Sarah O'Brien @sarahtgobrien I am also a only child with no kids. I'm 32 years old and I'm an only child. Those who buy into the theory believe only children are spoiled because they’re accustomed to getting whatever they want from their parents, including undivided attention. And Bohannon to a certain degree is probably a myth are no more skilled socialization... Slightly better on I.Q has ever accused us of being an only child captivity. Timid, introverted, and have no family where we live except my... To be a flexible only child with no family loving… the worst situations for such parents question! Negative behavior, poor social skills, and lonely life dies with them it would seem that siblings ’ are. The choice of having an only child is much easier to afford a smaller home someone ’ s Growing,. 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